What Am I Doing?

11:50 AM Sunday, January 28, 2018

So I've been unemployed for 3 months now. It's been a weird time for me. I've rarely been unemployed where it's actually been a good thing. I've wanted so badly to be retired, but I know that we can't really afford me to be permanently retired. So rather than it being a relaxing 3 months of unemployment, it's been a stressful 3 months of unemployment.

Yes, I've looked for jobs.

Yes, I've applied for jobs.

Yes, I've interviewed for jobs.

No, I have not yet received an offer.

If you don't have a super great and strong self-esteem, being rejected at various stages of the job application process can be pretty soul-crushing. But then working for the wrong person, which I was at the last job, is also soul-crushing.

Either way, soul crushed.

wile coyote crushed by rock
Actual photo of my soul being crushed. Yes, my soul looks like Wile E. Coyote

It doesn't help that I've been unemployed during the cold winter months. Not enough sunshine, not enough warmth, not enough stuff to do. Okay, sure, I could be doing more to take care of the inside of my house, like cleaning, decluttering, etc.

But what fun is that? 

Pretty sure that's all kinds of not fun.

And I like being outside. Hell, I live on a lake. Who wants to be inside when they could be outside enjoying a lake? Besides my husband, that is.

Anyway, where was I? Looking for jobs, check. Soul being crushed, check. Oh yeah, and I've been experiencing lots of anxiety. I mean, I already have some anxiety and I also have arthritis and fibro and my nervous system is all whacked out already. But add some unemployment to all that and it's like my anxiety has just blown up.

nuclear cloud
Not that much of an exaggeration, my friends
What am I doing with my life? What am I going to do while I'm looking for a job? What do I do if I don't get a job?

Currently, I've been friending ducks. And watching a LOT of tv, mostly bingeing Supernatural. And I've been mostly enjoying this, although tbh (to be honest), this is not a particularly productive use of my time.

Doing this makes it kind of tough to find anything to share on my blog because I don't feel like I've got anything to talk about. Doing nothing all day is boring and no one wants to read a boring blog about nothing. That's why I have so few followers as it is.

Zing! Burned myself!

I've started studying scripting, in an effort to do something semi-productive with my time. I've also started dabbling into hydroponics, because there's so much growing things I've wanted to do but need to learn how to do things right and not waste a lot of time and energy. I've got a little Aerogarden and am currently growing some herbs that I will need to learn how to do things with, but I want to do more and my system only has 6 openings. These little guys aren't cheap.

So I'm thinking I might sent up a new system, a homemade system. And maybe I'll take you all along for the ride, as long as I'm not working, because it should be entertaining, right? To see how badly I screw things up? And hey, gives me something to write about because that's kind of what a blog is for.

So, wish me luck. Or lack of luck. Coz either way, it should give me something to write about. 

Dubstep Birb

12:19 PM Sunday, January 21, 2018